When one analyzes this philosophy / psychology of gardener and flower roles, we can easily see its basic blueprint in just about every relationship...romantic, parental or institutional. Sometimes the roles are permanent, and other times the roles are dynamic. For example, if you are injured and in a hospital, you are the flower and the doctor the gardener. Suffice to say, this role will not likely change. A different example could be made when you are young. You are your mother and father's flower (hopefully), and they your gardener. It's their job to provide for you, shape you and grow you into the best damn American-made flower you can be by golly! As time passes and age settles in, the role of the gardener must be handed off. Former flowers become gardeners and on it goes.
So, if you guessed that your potential relationship with a Thai girl would be a dynamic version of the flower / gardener model, give yourself a gold star. Though there will be both subtle and vibrant shifts in the roles, there are certainly noticeable points of transition. It's helpful to be aware of such points so you can avoid any costly disappointments, hurt feelings or misunderstandings.
Initially, like most Asian girls, she will be the flower. Unless she is a sex worker or ladyboy, it is rare for Thai girls to make the first move. You, the male, must initiate contact with her, the female. (I can almost hear the gender study groups sounding off as I type.) Back to the point. The "where" aspect of the first communication is irrelevant. Whether you start by chatting online, meet at the market, in the subway, the club, at the gym it doesn't matter. The man must lead. Once this flower has garnished your intrigue, she will do something unique among earth women...she will subtly allow her pursuer to become the flower while she becomes the gardener for a short time.
Now we don't want to come of as conceited, cocky, rude, or even hurtful, but if you are a man living in the west, you've never been the flower. Unless you are super rich, a GQ model, an A list movie / rock star or some combination thereof, it's unlikely you have been seen as anything more than replaceable at best, and disposable at worst. Something akin to a toothbrush, a razor or a plastic bottle. Believe when we say, being a flower is fucking amazing...something everyone should experience. To have a beautiful Thai girl cooking for you cleaning for you, speaking for you, calling and making your reservations, ordering your food, sex on tap. It's truly wonderful to be someone's flower. Just don't get too comfy, there is a handover to be aware of and it happens at blinding speed.
It's not always crystal clear, but there will come a point in the relationship, usually marked by an anniversary or semi-relevant event, when your role as flower will wane. It could be when your visa changed from tourist visa to B1, and now have a job in Thailand. Maybe one day you had your cape on, and paid for a new buffalo and school books for family members you've never met in Nakhon Nowhere. Maybe you put a bun in her tight-little oven. It's hard to say exactly when or why the shift happens, but it will happen. You will notice the little gestures die off...ie making sure you are comfortable, refilling your glass, cutting your sandwich just right, randomly giving you a sexy massage. Overall the general attentiveness to your wants, needs and comfort wither.
Don't get us wrong, having a Thai girlfriend is awesome, they will always put out if called upon and typically keep the house in order. However, there comes a point, subconsciously, when your Thai girl makes the psychological shift from gardener to back to flower. This phenomenon was explained to us a few years back in two words. "Promotion finish". When that happens Mr. John Dear, I hope you like the dirt.
As the final shift in the relationship settles in, you are now the long term gardener and your Thai girl, the flower. All psychological bs aside, it should not be overly astonishing to find oneself in this position. Remember, Thailand is a patriarchy, and the father governs children. Your gender has a defined role in Thailand concerning romantic relationships as well as in family matters. If this ain't for you, be aware of the tell tale signs and when it's time...get off the bus Gus.
However, in spite of this, we are given pause to wonder if Thai girls are in truth perpetually the flower and there really is no shift in the roles. Thai girls possess a such a unique blend of beauty and charisma, do they simply fool us into believing, for a time, that we are the ones to be admired and adored? Whatever the case, we're not trying to throw salt in anyone's game. Use this knowledge wisely. Don't end up a gardener when you want to be a flower...by then it's too late.
Addendum for the triggered:
We've recieved a few interesting emails, and it's come to our attenion that minds have been blown by our "cis male perspective" and our..."ogreish, testosterone-fueled manslpaining talk about whamen". To clear the air, we are not psychologists, nor do we, or are we offering psychological advise or advocating proper / improper pronoun use. However, please note, we have been manspreading this entire time. Anyway, most of you with a few brain cells left know this article is for entertainment and is drawn from experience over years living in Thailand and dating Thai girls.